Monday 25th November – Mirrors

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Mirrors. Don’t you just hate them? When I viewed my flat I was quick to notice the full-length wardrobe mirror positioned right underneath a spotlight. When asked which furniture I wanted to be left in there, that certainly wasn’t on my list. But the landlord clearly couldn’t be arsed to move it, so there it remains. Fuck that mirror.

Now I use strong language to convince myself not to look at it. The bedroom is small and to reach my coats in the Eves I have to squeeze between the bed and the mirror, shouting in my head “Fuck Off, Fuck Off, Fuck Off”. Swearing at myself not to look, and at the mirror for being such a prick.

But one of the reasons I hate the mirror is the way I use. I choose to press my face against it, to see every tiny blemish. I do this every day. Yet when do I ever approach a friend or relative and put my face inches from there’s. NEVER! People don’t do that. I’m looking at myself in a way and a light that no-one else on this planet, of billions of people, has ever seen me. So why do it?

I’m getting better though. It started by introducing the 10-second count. After every session in front of the mirror, I’d step back and look at myself in the way others see me and count to 10. Suddenly my skin looks ok. I like what I see.

Now I’m doing that for 30 seconds with the goal being that whenever I first approach my prick of a mirror I start by looking at my skin from a distance. If from there I notice a blemish, then perhaps get a bit closer to pop the fucker, but move on quicker. Don’t worry about these tiny pores that only a microscope can see. I’m wasting my time and making myself feel like shit.

Time to use the mirror in a different manner and change my perception of myself to that of how other people see me.

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